Sun on the pavement

aug26.jpg I heard of a friend back in Finland, who, after having achieved pretty much everything a person might want to before the age 30, decided to drop it all and start doing what she really wanted. So, quit her job, and became a shoer for horses. It came apparent that she actually was quite skilled in the job and is most likely getting more out of it than from the office job in the high-tech company.
I was – again – thinking, maybe I could do the same. Just call it a quits and do something I really want to do. The only problem is that, really, I am doing the thing I most want, I have my dream job. When I think of quitting it all and starting to do what I really want, I actually mean quitting everything else and starting to do this job ‘for serious’. Now then, it is not a secret that I usually work over 5 weeks each month, and actually spend only few tens of minutes of working time daily for chatting on the irc, surfing websites not related to work and blogging – so what I mean by serious working I do not know, but still I feel I am just flirting with the real thing instead of being in a serious, mutually rewarding relationship with science.
Last night I finally got at least some 8 hours of sleep; spent a lot longer time trying to get to sleep from the middle of the tangled thoughts in my head. Reading N.Stephenson’s Quicksilver helps: not that it was boring (the story follows the paths of several great scientists of the 17th century), but physically heavy to hold and thus tiring. After falling asleep I dreamed sad dreams and dreams filled with blood, death and war, and had to wake up once in a while to make a reality check (and spend again some time trying to fall asleep).
In one particular dream I had seemingly decided to drop it all and start doing something I really wanted – which for some reason happened to be a life of a career soldier. Not surprisingly, I did not make a very good soldier, as my main worry befor engaging in a mission was ‘what should I wear’ and at the first actual battle, I fell asleep on my post, got ambushed by the enemy while armed only with my tiny red umbrella; got arrested and was heading for serious trouble before got rescued by Vera (and her blond friend, unknown to me) and their amazing Krav Maga skills.
Lots of gore, limbs torn from bodies and mud.
I toy with the thought of joining a buddhist order or something. Shave my head. Unfortunately, I suspect that would not go well together with what I do with mice.

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